I normally write articles that address leadership, group dynamics, projects, resilience and communication. This article is unapologetically different. It is written for those people that feel as if they are losing their way and are inundated with life.
I am writing this because in recent time I have seen an incredible influx of people seeking help and assistance, in the form of individual coaching. This normally manifests with someone reaching out behind the scenes and asking for a chat or exploring the idea of private/customised executive-style coaching. It seems like there is a large number of people that need help and guidance.
In most cases, action on their behalf has been triggered by a LinkedIn post, podcast, or article. In these instances, the content piece has drawn to the surface a need for action. These people have culminated in their frustrations and are now at a point of doing something to fix it.
To quote Austin Powers, they have lost their ‘mojo.’
This often takes the form of:
- A lack of personal goals and direction
- An inability to maintain the relationships that matter
- Frustration in determining what one’s priorities consist of
- A subtle but consistent straying from one’s values
- Resilience refocusing
- Seeking a third party and objective source of truth in which to cross-reference their ideas
What rings true for all of these areas is that the individual has exhausted the depths of their self-rationalisation and analysis and now need a source of objectivity in order to provide the necessary circuit breaker in order to get out of their own head and start dealing in reality. In almost all instances the person has been operating with a suite of assumptions and beliefs that are not serving them (or the people around them) well. Simply put, whatever the person has been doing up until now has not worked – something has to give.
In the spirit of full transparency and supporting as many people as possible here are some recommendations that might serve someone who needs to hear it right now:
LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU
Gandhi once said,
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
I hate to be one to say it, but life is not all about you.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that:
- Frowns upon criticism (of any kind)
- Encourages a victim mentality
- Discourages objectivity or the thirst for the actual truth (not the watered-down politically correct version)
- Promotes a scarcity mentality
- Reinforces the ‘blame game’ approach instead of accountability and responsibility
The net worth equates to droves of people who are disaffected. They are without direction because all their energy is invested solely into themselves as if in a closed-off economy. In the Army, we had a term to explain things that lacked relevance or purpose… ‘a self-licking ice cream.’ It serves nothing but itself.
If you want to start finding purpose, find someone or something else to serve and commit to it!
If you want to distract yourself from your own annoying internal ramblings, invest that precious time towards solving someone else’s problem. Who knows, they might return the favour one day. In that case, they may even bring with them a level of objectivity that might pressure test or enhance your efforts?
LIFE IS FULL OF CHOICES
Everything you do has an element of choice in it.
“Life is the sum of all your choices.”
Each situation will have different choices that will result in different outcomes. In some cases, our choices might include a physical action (i.e. take a new job or not, stay in a team or not, go left or right).
In other cases, we might not have control over the action, but we always retain the right to reframe how we perceive it.
Viktor Frankl was an incredible man. An Austrian neurologist and Psychiatrist who lived through the tortures of Nazi Concentration camps. He explained,
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Viktor Frankl had the perfect opportunity to be a victim and chose a distinctly different path.
The moment we feel we are without choices is the moment we become truly powerless.
Remember, you have with you always, the very tool you need in order to prevent this. Let’s be honest, this can be a truly scary proposition. It means that you are where you are because of your previous choices and moving forward is even more terrifying because it comes with unwavering responsibility. There is no-one else to blame.
As Jonathan Clark often says, “at some point the blame game stops and the accountability starts.”
BE WILLING TO GIVE SOMETHING UP TO GET WHAT YOU WANT
If you want significant changes to occur in your life you need to be willing to invest in a new outcome. You have to be willing to invest:
This investment also takes commitment and dedication. If you don’t prioritise developing yourself, don’t expect other people to do it either.
“The price of excellence is discipline. The cost of mediocrity is disappointment.”
William Arthur Ward
Do not be lazy when it comes time to do the hard work.
You might have to prioritise your efforts, which might include turning some things off.
You might have to:
- Do some physically or emotionally difficult things
- Remove some toxic people from your lives or let them remove themselves
- Learn some new skills
- Invest your money into personally developing yourself
- Let some unresourceful people down
- Commit to late nights and early mornings
- Be honest and vulnerable with others so that they might help you out of your rut.
But in any case, it is on you…
You are behind the driving wheel. Where will you take the vehicle?
What are you willing to give up in order to get what you want?
I have only touched the surface of the complexities associated with each of our lives.
The three areas I have mentioned need to be customised to every person’s circumstances, but I can say with confidence that this is a very good starting point to get someone moving in the right direction.
Other areas that often require significant attention include (but are not limited to): dropping resentment, prioritisation, learning how to build rapport with others, communicating with empathy, leadership skills and tools, and the list goes on.
If you feel like you are losing your ‘mojo’, or your stride seek help and close the gap with reality.
You have more power than you choose to think.
If you need a friendly starting point for your journey, send me a message and I will see what I can do to personally support you. Failing that, reach out to someone in my team. They are ‘good people, helping good people.’
Until then safe travels.